There have been some amazing and unexpected revelations coming out of the News of the World phone hacking scandal. But the one that really caught my attention was that the surprisingly close relationship between the journalists and the police extended so far as to include putting senior officers up at top spa facilities.
I hadn’t realised that the force is so full of men who moisturise. I don’t know about the Metropolitan Police, perhaps its time to rename them the Metrosexual Police. Anyway, I have obviously been ignoring some potentially enthusiastic Colin’s Beauty Pages readers so to make amends here are my top tips for the appearance conscious copper.
Having tip top nails is obviously important when you are in the business of feeling people’s collars, so make sure you give you spa therapist clear instructions to pay them full attention. Watch out for chips and cracks and make sure they are thoroughly clean. One particular danger is newsprint. You obviously can’t avoid thumbing through the Sunday papers to see if any stories you might have had a hand in, but do bear in mind it can be hard to shift newsprint from under your fingernails.
Just lately you might have been more tempted than usual to biting your nails, especially just before news bulletins. Don’t succumb to this temptation. (Lets face it, there are plenty of other temptations around if you have to succumb to something.) You can’t expect to get tip top results from a manicure if you’ve got teeth marks on your nails.
2. A Candlelit Dinner
It is important to make a good impression on your first dinner date with a journalist. Obviously as the relationship develops you’ll have to start worrying about the mundane day to day things like expense accounts and print deadlines. But on that important first meeting make sure you make a good impression. Remember my tip about not looking into the candle.
Above all get to know the person you are meeting. Steer clear of anyone you wouldn’t want your parents to meet. Let alone a parliamentary select committee.
3. Aromatherapy Massage
Its impossible to overstate how important it is to look relaxed, unstressed and in control. Especially when there are TV cameras around. Don’t let stress get to you. Sign up for a soothing massage with natural pure aromatherapy oils. You cares will melt away and you’ll forget all about those black bin bags full of evidence. (Unfortunately the Guardian won’t, but that’s another story.)
4. Clay Masque
A clay masque is a great way of dematifying the skin so it doesn’t shine too much under studio lights. You know what its like. You are on Newsnight. The lights are making you sweat. So are the questions. Soak up the sebum to make sure you look good under pressure.
So those are the first things I thought of off the top of my head. If you have any other ideas for how our policemen can look good and feel good as they go about their business, please share it in a comment. Remember that most of them have very busy lives so don’t have a lot of time to fix themselves up. They’ll want quick and easy ones. But on the other hand, some of them will have plenty of time for themselves in the future so don’t hold back.
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