Dating Tips for Women over 45

I am probably one of the few men in their fifties who can spend a lot of time online reading blogs by young women and exchanging messages with them without having to clear my browser history before my wife sees it.  I do of course have a perfectly legitimate reason to do so, and I am also lucky enough to have a very good relationship with Mrs Beautyscientist.  But the attraction for older men of younger women has been the source of a great deal of scandal, comedy and gossip over the years.  The older men rarely come out of it with much in the way of dignity, but that doesn’t seem to put them off.

But with the loosening of marriage as an institution – 40% of them end in divorce is a statistic I keep hearing – there are more and more people in their forties, fifties and sixties who are actively seeking new partners.  A lot of them turn to online dating services.  But it turns out that these aren’t particularly productive for women in those age brackets.  An article in last Sunday’s Observer in the UK makes this clear.

Many middle aged and older men on dating sites seek out women younger than themselves.  The arithmetic  leaves the women their own age with many fewer options.

And the arithmetic is a pretty inevitable consequence of the biology.  Mating is ultimately about passing your genes on to the next generation and the more reproductive years your potential mate has ahead of her the more appealing she is.  That conscious thought may not have passed through the man’s head but that is nonetheless what is going on.  Think of them as large hairless apes.  (This might not be difficult to do in some cases.)

So for a woman getting onto the online dating market it is important to remember that your age is not simply a problem.  It is the problem.  What can you do about it?  I am not going to pretend that there is much, but here are a few ideas.

1.  Lie about your age.  If you have moral scruples about this I respect your honesty and stick to your principles.  But if you are wavering do bear in mind that there are plenty of men around who will say anything to get a woman into bed.  More practically, we all have a mental picture of what someone of a particular age looks like.  But most of us look a lot younger than that mental picture.  The modern lifestyle is way healthier than it used to be and our idea of what a woman of say 50 looks like isn’t much like what most of them actually do look like.  The  previously mentioned Mrs Beautyscientist for example is 50 but looks about 40.  Knocking 4 or 5 years off your biological age is quite likely to be a more realistic portrayal of what you actually look like.

2. Use a profile picture that shows you doing something active.   Ride a bike.  Climb a mountain.  This will reinforce that  you are still young and dynamic.  Don’t include your children or more attractive friends.

3. Don’t mention your children.  Men are not interested in your children.  Men are not all that interested in their own children.

The women in the Observer article had largely given up on online dating, and this may well be a sound strategy.  It seems to me that the whole format of online dating is to the disadvantage of the more mature woman.  But it is cheap and easy so I suppose there is no harm in giving it a try so long as you steel yourself in advance against disappointment.  Treat it like buying a lottery ticket.  If you win, great.  If not you have other plans.

But most people still find their partners offline by more traditional means.  But here as well, you have to be realistic that your age is not on your side.  My suggestions are

1. Don’t act your age.  Do things that indicate you still have a young approach to life.

2. Makeup – apply it with a trowel if necessary.  Skilfully used, make up can make you look younger.

3. Give up smoking. It makes you look older.

4. Don’t worry too much about your weight.  It doesn’t bother men that much.

And just one last thought. Women are no longer defined by their relationship to a man.  There is so much more you can do than previous generations.  You can certainly have a perfectly enjoyable and fulfilling life without a man around.   And having an enjoyable and fulfilling life is probably going to make you more attractive at the same time.

9 thoughts on “Dating Tips for Women over 45”

  1. Thanks for a great giggle! Being a woman in her 50’s (though not on the dating scene), I really want to see a pic of Mrs Beautyscientist and hear her secrets of how she looks 10 years younger than her age. Please share!

  2. Brutally honest and hilarious at the same time. : ) The problem with words, sometimes, is that people only use them to make themselves look good. Your posts are always so refreshing to read.

  3. astrorainfall @ beauty box

    This got me laughing out loud – I will keep this in mind if I ever find myself in this situation. It’s good to know men don’t really care about weight….or were you joking?

  4. Hi Colin!
    It has been awhile since i visited your website and am pleasantly surprised to find this post of yours- which i just might heed. heehee!
    Kudos from the evil marketing department-

  5. Thanks for all the nice comments. Sorry Lise, Mrs BeautyScientist hates having her picture taken. There is more chance of getting a pic of Mrs Columbo.

    Astrorainfall, all other things being equal slim is better than fat. But losing a few kilograms won’t make that much difference to how good you look.

  6. LOL, I have to say the on the web dating or electronic dating has come a very long way from the days of basic chat rooms. A lot more and much more people are turning to on the internet dating sites to screen possible dates.

  7. It is true that men generally do not mind about weight, in fact they mostly like a bit of what we women might consider excess fat. I know from my own experience of weight gain over a number of years that men regard me in much the same way as before. In fact recently I ‘expanded’ a little bit more and, if anything, this resulted in more men being interested. Something that has also surprised me is that as I get older men of all ages including the youngest men continue to show interest. Not that I’m out there looking for them, I simply happen to work with the public and therefore deal with hundreds of people every week. I’m average when it comes to looks. Ignore the advertisers who want to make us feel insecure so that we will buy their products. Know that your greatest asset is you, your own individual self. If you keep yourself clean and tidy, show interest in others and act confidently then others, including men, will be interested in you.

  8. Cute article. Got a good laugh at it too, someone had to come out an say it. But just to be clear, when you say “dating” you don’t mean finding a viable partner right? My experience is that all these advices are good if you want “a date”, tinder style, or something light. But if you want someone for real, be yourself. Just delay the time you are going to have to talk about your age, that’s all. Let them guess. Be secretive. Mystery is enticing. And slow discovery is always best. If you are over 45 you probably have found out by now that life is better when you dont rush through it.

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